So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize