i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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