My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
