I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
