i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
