Your dad touched me again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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