Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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