My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
