I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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