My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Damn victory sex feels great
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
