Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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