Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
