I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
