kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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