Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
