I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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