i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
