I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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