in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
