Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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