New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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