Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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