Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
