We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
