I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
