You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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