So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
