i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize