Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
