rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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