I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
