he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
