3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
