First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
