I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
