IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We are two peas in an std pod
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
