I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
