she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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