You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
