im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
