Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
