Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
