Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
