We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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