I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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