I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to get me chipped asap
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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