i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
