I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize