i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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