he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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