I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
