omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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