So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize