i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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