Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
