She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
