I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
