My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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