Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
