If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize