some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize