I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
