My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
