the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
