Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
