dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
